Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
