So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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