playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
