My room smells like vodka and shame
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
