Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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