I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
