just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
