he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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