The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
oh god was she eating orange peels again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
