He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
