Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
