And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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