I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
