meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
