Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
