I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
