when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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