your parents love me but you hate me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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