God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
True strength comes from lack of pants
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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