we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
