i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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