2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
