it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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