so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
