after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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