I need help removing her.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
