We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
