First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
