I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize