If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
