do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Randomize
