I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
