How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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