Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My dick has a subreddit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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