I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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