Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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