There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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