Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
