i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
