Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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