we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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