i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
