I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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