In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
