They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
