dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
