I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
