U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
