I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
