How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize