Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Floor bacon is actually really good
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
