the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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