omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
