The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize