What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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