there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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