just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
