Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
