i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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