This is not my ceiling
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize