and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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