I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
