I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
