but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
