They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize