There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
