They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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