dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
