i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
