I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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