Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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