So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God, I missed his penis.
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